Turning hurtful, self-inflicted lies into opportunities for improvement

I recently came across this wise advice from 1 Peter 3:10: “If you want to enjoy true life and have only good days, then avoid saying anything hurtful, and never let a lie come out of your mouth.”

It prompted a self-reflection that really convicted me. Saying hurtful things or lying to others isn’t something I personally struggle with, but I realized that I’m often affected by the hurtful, self-inflicted lies that pop into my head.

It takes a lot of grit, grace, confidence, effort, intentionality, and thoughtfulness to safely and productively make it through the day with Friedreich’s ataxia (FA). As my symptoms progress, more is asked of me mentally, physically, emotionally, and in every other way.

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Now that I’ve used mobility aids for more than eight years, including full-time use of a wheelchair for more than a year, I can confidently say that I’m more introspective and generally aware than I used to be. That is how I best cope with what this diagnosis requires of me.

With a progressively degenerative disease like FA, I’m used to adapting to a “new normal.” I make a change, and if it feels right and safe, I make my peace with what is necessary and try to refocus on what I need and want to do.

This process usually occurs after a mishap, misstep, or mistake, or upon realizing a potentially recurring obstacle. I’ll be going about my life as usual, and suddenly, an FA-generated obstacle will present itself. That’s when self-inflicted lies pop into my head. The five most common are:

• “You literally can’t do that.”
• “You are broken.”
• “You are a burden.”
• “Everyone is judging you.”
• “You are fumbling this opportunity.”

Again, hurtful.

I now use those heavy reactions to intentionally combat such thoughts and prove myself wrong. How, you might ask?

I don’t judge myself. I take a deep breath and really think about what I’m telling myself. I don’t let the lie sink in. Instead, I think about what inspired it in the first place. More importantly, I think about how I can prevent it from happening again or make it better next time.

I reference a lesson I taught my children a while ago regarding what you say to and about yourself:

“When my son, Brooks, was struggling with his math homework the other day, he said, ‘This is too hard, and I’m too dumb to understand it.’ I immediately said, ‘Two things. One, yes, it’s hard, but you can do hard things. Two, don’t talk about my son like that. Brooks is smart and hardworking, and he can do this.'”

I then reference two sayings and some advice:

“‘If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all,’ and ‘If you wouldn’t say it to their face, you shouldn’t say it behind their back.’ These apply to your thoughts about yourself as much as they do in any other situation. The world will try to knock you down and make you feel bad about yourself — don’t help that agenda along.”

In an effort to follow my own advice, I will try to stop those thoughts in their tracks. Instead, I’ll focus on how adversity produces productive, positive change rather than confidence dips and negativity. I pray this leads to more good days.

Note: Friedreich’s Ataxia News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Friedreich’s Ataxia News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Friedreich’s ataxia.