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Romantic relationships
If you are in a relationship, and either you or your partner have FA, what are some successes and trials you deal with?
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14 Replies
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My boyfriend & I dated for almost two years before my symptoms were severe enough to start asking questions. I’ve literally always just thought I was a clutz. I’ve been diagnosed for about 3 years now & he is literally the only person I feel 100% safe with. He can tell when I’m fatigued or getting frustrated. I know I am very lucky to have someone who has stuck around. I won’t lie though, I feel guilty sometimes. I didn’t ask for this but either did he. He says he’s okay with not having kids & anticipating the future & me getting “worse” but I sometimes feel like I’m holding him back. Regardless, he’s my best friend. I hope he never gets scared away! 😂
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Kailey
My wife was diagnosed when she was 12. She has two healthy girls . unless you have other reasons don’t let fa give you reason not to have kids. -
Some trials I’ve been going through are too many to mention . most of which revolve around non supportive family. I have lost everything trying to be there for my wife . and I do mean everything….friends ,family, business, retirement, most recently had a small stroke and hernia so my health is included, so much stress and absolutely no help from anyone. I truly love my wife but I’m afraid this will kill me and leave her with no one.
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Hang in there man. As another FAer, thank you for all the support you’ve given to your wife. We are glad there are people like you out there.
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@toolman I don’t think I’d be able to handle pregnancy or carrying a newborn around or all the things babies require. I’ve thought a lot about it
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My sister has FA and she has two kids. I don’t know how she does it. I can barely take care of myself. I think she is some kind of superhero.
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My wife did it and she was in a wheelchair when she had the second one. If you have someone to help which it sounds like you do you have as good a chance of raising good kids just as anyone else. Actually you probably will do a considerably better job than most people …because of the fa. You will have a much better handle on what is important in life , unlike most people do. I have a cousin who has cp and pku and raised 4 kids . it will be a struggle . my wife’s kids are grown and away to college . don’t count yourself short.
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Like anyrthing else in life you just simply have to WANT it and do what it takes.
Me personally am tired of people saying I can’t. YES you can .
I used to teach martial arts and had an older gentleman come in after a severe stroke that left him barely able to walk, talk, loss of short term memory or use his left arm. He wanted it and he did it . you can too!!!!! Don’t count yourself short. You will lose an awsome experience . -
I want to hear about others’ experiences on this topic!
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I have FA. I was married, had two beautiful daughters and my husband left when they were 4 and 1. I raised them on my own until two years ago. We share custody. And I must say that it’s really great being divorced. He feels so much guilt that he is paying for them to go a private school [perfect in times of covid] and he drives them everywhere. But I’m older, have less function and really do not trust to be with another man who is going to put me down for not being able to walk across the room. I also wear diapers just in case I have a bladder accident how can anyone feel sexy or allow others to love them wearing diapers, I am insecure. Also, I find myself pushing those that love me away so that they are not hurt by my FA. I’m kind of down on the romance thing. I’m platonically dating someone over zoom today, but it’s not going to lat beyond the pandemic. It’s fun right now, but I just do not see a future.
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Karina, this seems common amongst the FA Community. Thank you for sharing! With all of this that has happened, are you happy or content?
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I’m Victoria I’m 37 with two daughters 18 and 14 was diagnosed when i was 14 and was wheelchair bound 5 months after i turned 15. I got pregnant when I was 17 with my first daughter and was engaged 6 months later and married a year later. It started out amazingly I thought I was happy and In love… I don’t like going back and talk about my past it’s embarrassing not to mention it still kinda hurts. My (second and current)hubby is a kiwi( from New Zealand). I’m American( from NY USA). We “meet” online when i was 12, he was 13. We spoke on and off for a while then stopped for a few years. In that time I got preg and married, he also got married..after about a year or so of my marriage i was so unhappy and fed up i turned back to chatting online. Apparently his Marriage was done for as well. We started talking just about every day. One day he told me he was going to make the 3 day journey to come meet my daughter and I, And here we are.
We spent a year in middleton NY, We moved to florida and lived there until We left for New Zealand in 2011. We have had our ups and downs but I think it’s starting to become too much for him…
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Hi Victoria,
Thank you for sharing your story! You definitely have dealt with a lot, especially with FA playing a major factor in every life event.
Has your husband ever tried telling you how he feels and how things maybe affecting him? Do you think it would be good if you two seek professional help and talk through things?
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Sadly I don’t think he wants to fix things.. I seem to make it worse everytime I try to talk to him about it. He said he didn’t bond emotionally, and I know it’s 100‰ my fault and our foundation stated out horribly but I’m not that dishonest person any more. I’ve grown up and matured.I think I just need to give him space for a while
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Whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out for the best for the both of you!
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