The two types of people who ask questions about my disability

I’ve been mostly using a wheelchair for more than eight months, after relying on a walker or rollator for seven years, so I’ve done a fair amount of explaining to people what Friedreich’s ataxia (FA) is and what living with it is like.

Explaining FA — what is affected, why it’s progressive, and what is unaffected — can be a little tricky.

I have noticed that the attitude of those who ask me questions about my disease often falls into one of two distinct types: the entitled inquirer and the kindly curious. It isn’t a specific phrase or tone people use, but rather a tone-posture-approach combination that causes me to categorize them.

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The two types of questioners

An entitled inquirer comes across as if they need to know my story for their own purposes. They need to know what the name of my disability is, what I can and can’t do, and how it will affect the space we share.

They usually want to know why I am in a wheelchair and how I handle that reality. They ask questions like, “How did you know something was wrong with you?” or “Are you seeking treatments?” or “What does ‘progressive’ mean? What will happen to you?”

They dig for information abrasively, as if it’s their right to know my personal medical past, present, and future, as if my purpose is to satisfy their curiosity, as if it’s a purely academic conversation to them.

Then there are those who are kindly curious. They establish a connection by holding the door for me, complimenting my shoes, or commenting on the weather or the event we are both attending. I can usually tell when they want to talk about my use of mobility devices and let them know I am open to chat with a smile or a simple, “Hi, my name is Kendall. What’s yours?”

Kind, curious people will often assume a compassionate tone or gentle posture. Then they will ask, “How is your day going?” or “May I ask why you are in a wheelchair?” or “Do you need help with that?” They seem to want to understand how my experience is affected by my disability and be more mindful of the space we share by understanding how my reality differs from theirs.

The difference between the two worldviews is that one is focused on the self, and the second is focused on others. It’s not my place to say which worldview is better, but as a disabled person who is asked both abrasive and empathetic questions, I can say how each type makes me feel. And a discussion is much more pleasant when the person asking questions chooses kindness and shows compassion.

“Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone …” — Galatians 6:10

Note: Friedreich’s Ataxia News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Friedreich’s Ataxia News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Friedreich’s ataxia.