I am taking a lesson from the Stoics and learning to let go of unrealistic goals
In my fundraiser, I'll decide how many people I ask, not how much I hope to raise
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I am entering the joyful, frenetic, and sometimes frustrating fundraising season for my Friedreich’s ataxia (FA) patient organization, the Friedreich’s Ataxia Research Alliance (FARA). Every year, I go into it with big numbers in my head about how much money I am going to bring in.
Deep down, I know these lofty goals are unrealistic, but I set them anyway. Most of the time, I do not tell anyone how large my goals are. I quietly set myself up for disappointment and frustration.
Fundraisers for FARA are a big part of my life. They matter to me because they let me do something concrete for my community, while also giving me a sense of purpose and empowerment. I am not just helping myself; I am helping people I care about. As an added gift, these events also bring me together with many people with FA whom I do not get to see often.
This season is especially busy because there is so much to do well before event day. I am organizing my teams, serving on the planning committee for one event, and starting my fundraising early because I have found that’s the best way to build support. The pace is intense, not because anyone intended it that way, but because so many important efforts overlap in the months leading up to these events.
The work is hard, but it is also deeply rewarding. Still, I’ve begun to wonder whether much of my frustration comes less from fundraising itself and more from the expectations I attach to it.
Looking at it in a new way
Sometimes I start thinking of these fundraisers as a competition, even though they are not. If I raised only $10, that would still be meaningful. I usually raise more than that, but like many people, asking for money doesn’t come naturally for me.
I try to remember that everybody’s contribution matters. If someone raises $50,000 and I raise $1,000, my contribution still counts. Raising funds may not be my strongest skill, but I can still help deliver resources to FARA and support the larger goal of curing FA. Even with that reminder, I still struggle.
This morning, while listening to a short description of Stoicism, I realized that the real obstacle is not the outcome of my efforts, but the unrealistic goals I set for myself. I am not incompetent at fundraising, but my problem is that I measure myself by outcomes I cannot control. I cannot control how much people can give, and I have no way of knowing in advance what any one person will do.
What I can control is how many people I ask, how thoughtfully I reach out, and how consistently I show up.
Stoicism teaches that peace of mind begins with a simple distinction: some things are up to us, and some are not. We can control our choices, our effort, our attitudes, and the habits we build over time. We cannot fully control outcomes, other people’s opinions, or the unexpected turns of life. That perspective shifts attention away from chasing perfect results and toward practicing steady, intentional action.
Instead of setting goals such as “I must succeed” or “Everything has to go according to plan,” a Stoic approach is to choose goals I can actually govern: speaking authentically and appreciatively at a fundraiser, asking 30 people to join my fundraising team, or consistently doing the work that is mine to do. This does not mean giving up ambition; it means anchoring ambition in what is truly mine to direct. When my goals are based on behavior rather than external outcomes, progress becomes clearer, setbacks feel less defeating, and success is measured by character and consistency as much as by results.
This year, I plan to set a fundraising goal based on how many people I will ask to donate rather than how much money I hope to raise. I think that change can minimize my frustration and disappointment while making more room for joy. I am going to take a lesson from the Stoics.
Note: Friedreich’s Ataxia News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Friedreich’s Ataxia News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Friedreich’s ataxia.
Isabelle Desmarais
This is also the right attitude to apply regarding training and FA progression.