Doing my best is all I can do in life with FA
Avoiding the comparison trap is crucial
My son, Brooks, turns 11 this week. Birthdays tend to make me nostalgic, especially my children’s. As the day approaches, I reflect on the passing of time and the coming and going of phases.
One of the most memorable phases of my parenting journey coincided with one of Brooks’ first obsessions. He loved “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood,” which is a cartoon based on the hand puppet Daniel Tiger from “Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood.”
Each episode has two little scenarios along the same theme, such as sharing, listening, taking deep breaths, or being brave. The lessons are reinforced with a catchy little rhyming song. Over the years, we’ve forgotten a majority of the songs; however, some have become staple parenting one-liners in our family.
Almost seven years later, we still quote one song that goes: “Do your best — your best is the best for you.” It conveys the simple message to not be discouraged by comparison and to continue doing your best, despite how the result might stack up against your friends’ results.
That is much easier said than done, yet still very important.
The comparison trap
As I recover from my femur fracture and surgery, it’s easy to fall into the comparison trap. I compare myself with other moms who are out and about, living the beautifully chaotic and productive life I wish I were living. But I also find myself comparing my “pre-fall” life with what it is now.
That is very unfair and incredibly discouraging, not to mention unhealthy. Recovery is a process, and I need to be patient and give myself grace. I am getting a little better, stronger, and more motivated every day, and that is the most I can ask for during my recovery.
Part of having a progressively degenerative disease like Friedreich’s ataxia (FA) is that my version of my best changes frequently.
For a while, my best meant walking in public while holding on to a shopping cart or a stroller. Then it became depending on the stabilizing aid of a rollator while out and about, and then I started using that rollator inside the house as well.
As FA gradually affected my body more, I had to adapt the methods I used to keep doing my best. That makes my best look very different from those who don’t have FA or who aren’t recovering from a surgical femur repair. That doesn’t mean that my best is any worse or better than anyone else’s. All I can really control is that I’m doing my best.
So, when I find myself getting sucked into the comparison trap, I sing that silly Daniel Tiger song to myself, and I also remember this Biblical wisdom: “Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct” (Galations 6:4-5).
Note: Friedreich’s Ataxia News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Friedreich’s Ataxia News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Friedreich’s ataxia.
About the Author
Clester oda
My first martial arts instructor used to say that a lot ....do your best and your best is going to be different than anyone else's.
I never really fully grasped what that meant until I opened my own martial arts school and started teaching. I had a student with a disease called PKU and he was very unstable and wobbly....wasnt until I started video taping that I realized , as uncoordinated and sloppy he looked in person , that when slowed down on video he was doing everything exactly correct.....very humbling .
Also rehabilitated an older gentleman that had a severe stroke , could barely walk , almost no use of his left arm and lost his short term memory....after about 6 months he was jogging and could almost write with his left hand..but still had no short term memory so everyday I would start his training as if he never started because he couldn't remeber....he went home about 400 miles away and about 3 years later he came to visit...just out of his own desire he wanted to try ....I started him out and stepped aside as he finished on his own....his wife and daughter fell to the ground crying....he remembered after hearing his doctors say he could never rember, repeatedly.
He said his best and it rewarded him more than he or anyone realized.
No matter what you do ,don't try to be better than anyone else. Instead do the best you can for you and only you. Always try to better yourself in whatever you do.
I believe it's my experiences like these that have given me the patience and understanding to care for my wife ....I try to do my best everyday with everything I do.