In my disabled life, I’ve developed a new ability: Fielding questions
I've learned how to best respond when strangers ask me about my condition
As I’ve grown more physically disabled with Friedreich’s ataxia (FA), I’ve developed a new ability: knowing quickly how to address a stranger’s concerns about my disability.
Whether it’s a curious child inquiring about my walker, an older person curious about that or other mobility aids, or a fellow mom simply asking if I’m OK or need help, I seem to fast discern what information they’re seeking.
I have my general canned response that I give multiple times a week: “Oh, I just need help with balance, so I use this (walker, wheelchair, scooter) to get around safely.” When I sense that a questioner seeks more explanation, I say, “I have a neurological condition called Friedreich’s ataxia that affects my balance and coordination, so I use this (walker, wheelchair, scooter) to get around safely.”
I can’t quite define whether it’s a look, phrasing, body language, tone, or some combination of those factors that tells me how to respond, but in the nearly six years I’ve been using mobility aids, I’ve developed a knack for fielding these inquiries.
I’m not saying that my every response to an FA question is perfect, nor that I’m a flawless social savant. Several times, in fact, I feel judgment, pity, or confusion, which makes the interactions tricky or awkward. But exchanges of that sort are bound to happen.
Answering strangers’ concerns
Yet most of the time, I can sense the best direction to steer the conversation. I can tell what details they’re after and what role they want to play: the concerned peer, the helpful stranger, the curious observer, or the stranger seeking advice.
I never expected to be viewed as an expert in mobility aids, but I’m confronted regularly by those who want my opinions on whatever device I’m using. Sometimes it’s a grown son whose father had a stroke and needs a wheelchair; sometimes a wife who thinks her husband would be safer using a walker around the house; sometimes an older man inquiring about the battery life of my scooter; sometimes a child asking if my walker is also a stroller. I’ve fielded all of those questions.
The main observation I’ve made during my tenure as a relatively young, visibly disabled woman is that the majority of people mean well. Most people aim to be kind to strangers, especially strangers they think might be struggling. If we with FA take a second to read these strangers, we can formulate the best way to respond, making interactions more pleasant for everyone.
I’m not saying that having a visible disability is a proverbial welcome mat for any and all curiosity. Sometimes I just want to keep my head down and accomplish my task at hand without providing a medical history report to a stranger, and that’s my prerogative. That’s when I hope the stranger pauses and thinks about whether it’s appropriate to question someone who’s just living their life.
Some questions to ponder: “Is my interaction with this stranger going to have a positive effect on their life?” “Is my curiosity more important than their task at hand?” “Is my help truly helpful?”
I don’t expect every stranger I interact with to think through these questions completely, just like every stranger doesn’t expect the 37-year-old disabled woman to answer every one of their questions. But if we all pause to consider how to include more kindness in our interactions, the world would be a better place.
“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” — Romans 12:10, New Living Translation
Note: Friedreich’s Ataxia News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Friedreich’s Ataxia News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Friedreich’s ataxia.
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