It’s OK to find joy in the midst of hardships
As I grapple with three losses, I'm still managing to smile and feel alive
Life isn’t easy for anyone. Every person must trudge through hardship and struggles. Whether it’s a temporary sadness like illness or injury, seasonal hardships like a breakup or career setbacks, or even battling a life-long progressive illness such as Friedreich’s ataxia (FA), we all have to cope with unpleasant things from time to time.
Lately, my life seems to be full of unpleasant things. With the devastating loss of my grandfather last August and the heartbreaking loss of my mother-in-law in October, coupled with the impending transition to a life dependent on a wheelchair because of the progression of my FA symptoms, life has been hard. Sad and hard.
In the fog of those heavy, life-altering trials, I’ve struggled to feel like myself. I’ve always fancied myself a realist who strives to be a happy-go-lucky optimist. What that means is that I don’t shy away from looking into the root causes of unpleasant feelings, fixing what can be fixed, then moving on to the things that bring me joy.
Yet those three big events don’t seem to have simple or quick fixes. So does finding joy or laughter mean I’m just over it and life is grand? No, it doesn’t. It just means that my life is complicated, I can have more than one feeling at a time, and one emotion doesn’t necessarily cancel out another. It’s OK to seek and feel joy in a season of sadness.
How feelings coexist with each other
I once heard that our grief doesn’t change, but our capacity to house grief does.
That means I can laugh and smile at memories and stories of my grandpa and still miss him. I can comfort my kids during their grief regarding my mother-in-law, but still need comfort myself. I can look forward to the energy preservation and safety that life in a wheelchair can provide and still be sad that my FA symptoms are progressing to the point where I need it.
Smiling doesn’t mean you’re absolutely and completely happy with everything that’s happening; it just means you’re still capable of finding joy. Laughing is not saying “I’m healed”; it’s saying “I’m healing.”
I’m embracing all that this holiday season has to offer. I know I’ll probably cry when I see gift tags that read “From Nana” and not “Nana and Pop Pop.” And that’s OK. I know I’ll probably laugh when I watch “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.” And that’s OK. I know my heart will ache when my kids talk about missing their Gigi. And that’s OK. I know my heart will fill with hope when we sing “Silent Night” by candlelight at church on Christmas Eve. And that’s OK.
Every feeling is just a sign that I’m alive. It’s a sign that I’m a complex person doing her best in a complex life. Finding joy in a season of sadness makes my day feel better, so I’ll continue to feel that way.
“Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.” — Romans 12:12
Note: Friedreich’s Ataxia News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Friedreich’s Ataxia News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Friedreich’s ataxia.
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