I have been going back and forth about this column. But I think it’s important to show my readers and myself that I am being authentic, so here we go. Self-accountability is an everlasting process. Like cleaning out the junk drawer in the house, it can’t just be a one-time thing. People grow, gain new perspectives, and ultimately things change.
I was happy remaining stagnant and that wasn’t like me at all. I gave up on my responsibilities and accomplished the bare minimum. This column is supposed to be weekly, yet I average one to two columns a month when it should be four. It’s not that I don’t have material — I just talk myself out of clicking submit. “Who would want to read this?” I think. Or, “Wow, I sound like a know-it-all.”
I give up too easily. If I am working with a client on a website and it’s not coming together the way I envisioned, I abandon the job. It’s a bit ridiculous. I need to keep trying instead of convincing myself that I’m a failure. I don’t give up that easily in other aspects of my life, so why do I do it on the job?
The constant battle I have within my head when it comes to anything professional can be overwhelming. That little voice is mean-spirited, a perfectionist, loud, doubtful, and just plain rude. Sometimes it seems impossible to drown out. But that voice is something I need to change as only I can. It is up to me to address it and let it be more encouraging than spiteful.
I get excited about ideas and spread myself too thin. I am stuck between thinking about what I can and can’t do and how much I want to help others. Reading cheesy self-help books and talking to my friends and family about the rut I have been in help. I am figuring out how to take risks in my work without giving up, leaving things unfinished, and feeling unaccomplished.
I’m overzealous and sometimes need to be brought back to reality. It happens, and I’m glad I have people in my life who help put me back on a realistic path. I wish my work wasn’t a casualty of my learning, but it is what it is. Life is one big lesson and I’m here to learn.
I have come to the realization that I have a big heart and a lot of love to give. I want to help everyone, but I can’t. I need to focus on myself and I need the people around me to be honest and guide me. That way, we can all hold each other accountable.
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