Yet another fall results in nose reconstruction surgery, part 2
What I've realized in the days since my accident
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Last in a series. Read part one.
In the 10 days since my nose-fracturing accident and the three days since my reconstruction surgery, I’ve had a lot of time to reflect.
As I mentioned last week, this isn’t the first time I’ve required surgery after falling due to the poor balance and coordination caused by my Friedreich’s ataxia (FA). I hope and pray this is the last scar I collect, though there’s no way of knowing.
As I’ve been sitting at home, following doctors’ orders to elevate my head, take appropriate medications, rotate ice packs, and more, I have realized a few things.
Post-surgery realizations
The first is how disconcerting it is not to recognize yourself in the mirror. I’m not able to do my full skin care routine or put on makeup right now, so I’m spending significantly less time in front of the mirror, for better or worse. However, when I go back to my restroom to brush my teeth, bathe, change my gauze dressing, or simply change my T-shirt, I am shocked by the face that I see in the mirror.
The swelling and bruising alone are shocking, but when I factor in how gnarled and displaced the center of my face looked before the surgery, it’s enough to make me a little queasy. All the surgeon’s hard work is currently under an immovable hard cast over my nose, so I have to wait another week to see my new nose. Until then, all I can do is focus on what I can control: my attitude, my actions, and my words.
My second realization is that I do not thrive in isolation. I do better when I have schedule demands and get to socialize. I miss chatting with my friends and my children’s classmates at school pickup. I miss hugging friends at church. I miss smiling and talking about anything besides my nose.
I know that in a few weeks, when everything is healed and I’ve returned to my normal life as the mother of two active children, I will get carried away and take the busyness for granted or view it as a to-do list. But I hope a part of me will realize how joyful it is to contribute to my family’s lives in that way.
Finally, I’ve realized how much faith it takes to live with FA — and not just spiritual faith. I had to have faith in the medical team that sedated me, held my life in their hands, and mended the face that I will present to the world for the rest of my life. I have to trust that my mobility aids will keep me safe. I have to trust that my medications are improving my quality of life. I have to trust my personal convictions that I am doing everything I can to live the best possible life.
On the night before my surgery, a dear friend and mentor of mine shared that she often prays Psalm 16:8 when she feels overwhelmed, worried, or generally not in control. The verse reads, “I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.” That was my prayer going into surgery, and it has been my mantra in the days since.
Note: Friedreich’s Ataxia News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Friedreich’s Ataxia News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Friedreich’s ataxia.
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