Life with FA means defining and granting myself grace
I'd give a friend a break, so why not myself?
I am a work in progress, just like everyone else in this world, so I need to give myself grace.
The meaning of grace is essential. Several of my columns, including the previous one, have drawn the conclusion that I should grant myself grace. I wanted to further explore that theme here.
As I write this, I’ve been potting plants for my deck. Because I have Friedreich’s ataxia (FA), my balance and coordination are poor. So when I place plants in the planters, I spill potting soil all over the deck. Immediately, the mean-girl voice in my head condemns me for being wasteful.
It is wasteful. I end up washing a lot of spilled potting soil off the deck and onto the lawn. However, I decided long ago that I would do as much as I can for as long as I can. That’s when I need to consciously use my kind-girl voice and remind myself that having FA means I’m going to spill some things and waste some things. The alternative is not doing anything. I can’t control spilling, but doing things — even if I spill — is essential to me.
Why is grace important?
A straightforward way to understand grace is when you give your friend a break because they had a wildly busy week and missed your Sunday phone call, for example. You probably don’t berate them or tell them they are a bad friend. Instead, you do what a friend does: tell them not to worry about it and that you are looking forward to having lunch next week. That’s grace — the compassion you just showed because you understand that your friend is human and sometimes has to miss things.
In a world that often celebrates relentless productivity and perfection, giving yourself grace is not an indulgence — it’s a necessity. Especially when you live with FA or any other chronic illness, numerous symptoms can sideline you.
At its core, grace involves extending understanding, forgiveness, and patience to oneself, particularly during moments of failure or imperfection. This practice can change how you tackle challenges, setbacks, and even daily interactions. By embracing grace, you nurture an inner environment that promotes growth, healing, and resilience.
Research in psychology highlights the profound impact of self-compassion on mental well-being. According to Kristin Neff, a leading researcher in the field of self-compassion, treating oneself with kindness rather than criticism can significantly reduce anxiety and depression while fostering a sense of connectedness and life satisfaction. Granting yourself grace allows you to recognize that mistakes are an inherent part of being human, rather than a devastating sign of inadequacy. It shifts the focus from self-judgment to self-acceptance, creating space for learning and improvement.
She details this and much more in her book “Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind.”
In practical terms, granting myself grace means understanding that I will try to avoid tracking potting soil into the house with my wheelchair by brushing it off. (I brush off myself and my wheelchair with a small dust broom after gardening and before entering the house.) However, dragging potting soil inside and having to vacuum is inevitable. I grant myself grace because having potting soil in the house signifies that I am living up to my goal of doing as much as I can for as long as I can.
Granting myself grace helps me transition from feeling ashamed that my floor is dirty to feeling proud that I am not letting FA make me passive.
I am a work in progress who buys too many bags of potting soil and enjoys the flowers on her deck. One day, the kind girl’s voice in my head will become the automatic one. I work on that every day.
Note: Friedreich’s Ataxia News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Friedreich’s Ataxia News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Friedreich’s ataxia.
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