I shed the ‘How does she do it?’ dream to be a helpful person who needs help
With Friedreich’s ataxia, I must rely on others, but I can be helpful, too
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I am sure that we have all been around that person who seems to always have it all together — beautiful with hair and makeup done, effortlessly trendy clothes, happy kids sent to school with lunch boxes filled with perfectly well-balanced meals, volunteers for everything, gets praised for being awesome, always has a smile on their face.
I so desperately wanted to be that “someone” who leaves people thinking, “Wow, how does she do it?” Life had a different plan for me, however.
At 25, I was diagnosed with the degenerative neurological condition Friedreich’s ataxia. After extensive research, doctor visits, and time to process, I realized I was no longer on track to become the “how does she do it” lady. Instead, I would have to rely on others and accept their help.
Asking for help, and giving help
In 2018, I began using a rollator walker full time, which shattered any appearance of effortlessness I had. I was now visibly dependent on help, which not only invited insecurities, but inquiries, too.
Instead of strangers noticing positive things about me, they noticed my mobility aid. Acquaintances would ask how I was doing with the slightest tone of worry or pity. From then on, for better or worse, the thought of me was tangled up with the thought of my disability.
As my symptoms have progressed, I’ve gone from being dependent on a walker to being dependent on a wheelchair. There have been many bumps and bruises along the way, but I have been taught the humbling reality of asking for help and graciously accepting it.
Here in Texas, we do “meal trains.” Whenever someone welcomes a new baby, undergoes surgery, endures illness or injury, suffers a tragic loss, or just simply needs a little grace, the community usually rallies to provide dinners during that season of their life. I have been the beneficiary of meal trains about a dozen times and contributed to countless others myself. I’ve also asked my children, ages 8 and 11, to participate because I want them to develop compassion for others, to be understanding, to realize that everyone needs help every now and then, and to take pride in helping make someone’s day a little brighter.
As we just wrapped up a meal train that someone started for our family after my nose fracture and repair, I was happy to “pay it forward” and sign up to provide dinner for a family dealing with a health concern of their own.
All of this to say it is OK not to be the effortless “how does she do it?” person, and instead be the helpful friend who sometimes needs help, too. As long as we stay humble and gracious, we are providing those around us with opportunities to learn and grow alongside us, rather than leaving them feeling inferior or envious.
“So do the good things for other people that you would want them to do for you. That is true in everything you do. That is what God’s Law and the messages of God’s prophets teach us.” — Matthew 7:12
Note: Friedreich’s Ataxia News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Friedreich’s Ataxia News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Friedreich’s ataxia.
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