From fumbles to fortitude: Learning to quiet my inner critic
Self-compassion is crucial when living with FA
Living with Friedreich’s ataxia (FA) involves daily challenges that often go unnoticed by others. Coordination, balance, and speech impairments may be brushed off as simple clumsiness, but the consequences can be more than inconvenient. Put simply, these challenges make every routine task more demanding.
Despite these hurdles, I strive to maintain a sense of normalcy in my personal and professional life.
I know I’m not alone in holding myself to standards grossly different from what I expect from others. Maybe you feel similarly, reader. This tendency isn’t just inconsistent; it’s also a common yet harsh form of self-criticism.
Taming my inner critic
A recent situation served as a stark example of my inner critic and the impact of FA on my work. Bionews, the parent company of this website, holds a virtual “town hall” meeting for employees multiple times a year, bringing together co-workers from around the world. In preparation for last week’s town hall, I was responsible for editing and finalizing my segment of the presentation slides. The night before the meeting, while attempting to make minor adjustments to my section, my compromised coordination led me to accidentally alter the format of the entire slide deck, undoing everyone else’s efforts on their own slides.
Panic set in as I realized the magnitude of my goof. The presentation was scheduled for the next day, only hours away, and my mistake had the potential to disrupt the entire flow. I felt a deep sense of embarrassment and shame, acutely aware that my FA had played a role in this mishap.
Despite my best efforts to manage and curtail FA symptoms, there are moments when the disorder asserts itself in unpredictable ways. Acknowledging the challenges privately is one thing, but when they manifest publicly, especially in a professional setting, the emotional toll is profound. I grappled with feelings of inadequacy, fearing that my superiors would perceive me as careless or incompetent.
One of the first people who noticed my slipup was Alex Coletta, senior vice president of product and user experience, and a dear friend. (If you’ve experienced my immersive rare journey, Alex made that project happen.) He saw the situation unfold and worked diligently to restore the presentation to its previous format.
Alex’s actions underscored the significance of being surrounded by caring people and a supportive work environment. When colleagues are empathetic and accommodating, it fosters a culture where people feel valued beyond their productivity. This kind of atmosphere enhances morale and drives collective success.
Thankfully, this harrowing experience ended with a lesson for growth: I should quiet my inner critic when it gets too loud. (For more information on this topic, check out “Being Kind to Yourself,” which I consider an essential episode of the “Hidden Brain” podcast.)
After all, living with FA clearly teaches us that expecting perfection — in ourselves or others — is unrealistic. There will be many more unforeseen obstacles, and mistakes are inevitable. What matters is how we respond to these challenges. I’ve learned that self-compassion is essential. Are we really a “failure” or a “loser” when we slip up? What can the mistake teach us?
In my case, beating myself up over circumstances beyond my control only deepens emotional wounds. Instead, embracing a mindset of resilience allows me to navigate setbacks with grace and determination.
Looking ahead, I choose to focus on the possibilities that tomorrow holds. Even though FA often feels overwhelming, it doesn’t define my existence. Each day presents an opportunity to adapt, learn, and persevere. While there will undoubtedly be more hurdles to overcome, I’m committed to facing them head-on, armed with lessons from past experiences and the support of those around me.
In sharing this personal story, I aim to illuminate the realities of living with a chronic condition like FA. This journey is fraught with challenges, but also filled with moments of triumph and profound human connection. By acknowledging our vulnerabilities and embracing resilience, we can learn to quiet our inner critic and navigate the complexities of life with hope and optimism.
Note: Friedreich’s Ataxia News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Friedreich’s Ataxia News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Friedreich’s ataxia.
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